from my heart

I was planning on writing a post on the missions conference that we had at my church this past weekend.

However...

 I am really needing to speak my heart. 

I am struggling today to comprehend the love of God. Not that, on any other day, my finite mind is able to understand the depths to which He loves me. But today seems exceptionally difficult. 

I have listened to the same song this morning probably 4 or 5 times. It's by Aaron Shust and it's called "Still You Love Me" Read these lyrics and weep with me. 

I've never felt, so undeserving

Then when You called out for me

I've never been, more unworthy

When You reached down for me

I'm lifting hands, stained and dirty

To touch my Savior's face

And I know now, I am touching grace

You see everything I do

And still You love me

'Cause You hear everything I say

And still You want me

'Cause You know all my darkest secrets

That I try so hard to hide

You know everything I am

And still You love me

Still You love me

Amazing love, how can it be

That You would die for me?

Amazing grace, oh the mystery

My blinded eyes now see

When I fall, when I stumble

I struggle to my feet

Just to find, grace is lifting me

You see everything I do

And still You love me

'Cause You hear everything I say

And still You want me

'Cause You know all my darkest secrets

That I try so hard to hide

You know everything I am

And still You love me

Still You love me

There's nothing I can say

To make You turn away

There's nowhere I can go

You're never far away

(You see everything I do

And still You love me

'Cause You hear everything I say

And still You want me)

You see everything I do

And still You love me

'Cause You hear everything I say

And still You want me

'Cause You know all my darkest secrets

That I try so hard to hide

You know everything I am

And still You love me

(Still You love me)

Still You love me

Still You love me

Don't get me wrong. I'm not dwelling in self-pity. I'm not writing this from my heart because of how unworthy I am and how much that bothers me. I sing this song and I am overwhelmed by the unconditional love of God. He knows everything I do, everything I say and think and He still loves me. I am sure if I sat here and revealed some of my darkest secrets, I would lose a couple friends. But the creator God, the Almighty, Infinite, Powerful God sees me live the life that He bought with His blood as if He doesn't exist. He hears my selfish thoughts and groans as I trample the grace He gives freely with my prideful, self-sufficient actions. All of this and so much more, and instead of turning His face, instead of walking away, instead of giving me what I deserve, He loves me. seriously. Is this not blowing your mind right now?

Why am I so content to live without acknowledging the love of God? 

A couple of minutes ago, a dear lady from my church, who recently lost her husband, just provided 3 dinners for the 20 people who live here at Word of Life. She is always looking for opportunities to be a blessing to people and I pray that God would give me the same love for serving as Mary has. I was thinking about the love that she has shown us and what an incredible blessing it is. I am truly overwhelmed by her example. 

Mary is a woman of God, and her act of love and service has me amazed. But God is God, His love is unconditional, His service is perfect. He is perfect. In comparison to what God has done for us, Mary's blessing pales. Why doesn't God's love for me evoke the same gratitude as the sacrifice of Mary?

Something is seriously wrong if I can go throughout a day, a moment, without living in gratitude for the love of my Savior.